AK DMV II This time it's tiresome!

Yes, so my little chess game with the Alaska DMV continued this week. After getting a copy of my state-issued birth certificate (as opposed to the hospital issued one that has done for everybody else in the country), I went back yesterday to take my test. This time I had every damn document I could find, including grade school report cards, pictures of our apartment...everything. So the lady barely glances at the documents and directs me to a computer to take my test. And I fail. I could scarcely believe the questions I was getting. How many consecutive hours in jail must first time DUI violators serve? How many molecules are in a square foot of asphalt? (Ok, that last one is an exaggeration.) She tells me I can come back the next day and I leave. As I walk across the parking lot, I think to myself "Cry or get mad?" And just like that, I am suffused with rage. So I rampaged around midtown Anchorage for the next hour or two, waiting to meet Art for lunch. It's things like this that make me vote libertarian. I totally support anarchy if it means I never have to spend another minute in line at a DMV again.

I spent the rest of the day alternating between rage and self-pity, and then finally took the practical step of studying the manual again. When I read through before, I kind of ignored things like "Consequences of DUI" and so forth. I don't drink and drive because I can't even stand to think about the possibility of hurting someone else. Also, I don't want to be dead or hurt myself. Therefore, drinking - even one! - and then driving, is not something I even consider. It's not that I don't drink - it's just I either do it at home or rely on Art, who is not much of a drinker, to drive me home. So I basically figured, what the hell do I care how much time idiots spend in jail? Well, the DMV doesn't see it that way. So this time, I gritted my teeth and learned how many consecutive hours first time DMV violators must spend in jail and all the other detail stuff I had kind of skipped over when I went through the first time.

So we got up early (well, 8) this morning and went back in so I could try it again. The whole way in I was thinking about what I would do if I couldn't get a license. We are right on 3 different bus routes. Maybe I can get a job on a bus route. Maybe I can get a job in Art's building. We only have one car anyway. Maybe I can just be a recluse. I would save a lot of money in office clothes... But I go in anyway. And of course there's a hassle. Today's hangup is the paperwork. Our marriage license says "license" and not certificate, and therefore is not proof that we actually got married. Although it is. It was filed with the state and everything. Look! There's a seal! So I offer mild protest to desk lady, who is quickly becoming the bane of my existence. I point out that the desk lady was fine with it yesterday. She disappears into the back to check with a supervisor. I am about to go postal when she comes back and announces I am allowed to proceed. I go to the computer and...I ace it! 16 right, none wrong. Guess that book learnin' is good for something anyway! After that there is the relatively painless process of answering a bunch of questions, taking the eye test, and hanging around while another desk lady creates my record and fills us in on where the good Mexican restaurants are in the area. After a quick half hour of that, there's just the horrible picture and we're gone, off to continue our day. And just like that, I am a validated contributing member of society again.